Day of the Dead in Oaxaca: How to Be a Respectful Visitor

In late October the market stalls of Oaxaca turn orange. Armfuls of marigolds, cempasúchil, are stacked beside crates of sugar skulls, loaves of pan de muerto stamped with little dough faces, bundles of copal resin and boxes of candles. The whole city smells of flowers, incense and chocolate. Day of the Dead in Oaxaca is one of the most moving things you can witness in Mexico, and also one of the easiest to get wrong as a visitor. It is not Mexican Halloween. It is the time when families believe their dead come home, and they prepare for them like any beloved guest.

What Día de Muertos actually is

The tradition blends Indigenous practices honouring ancestors with the Catholic feasts of All Saints and All Souls. In 2008 UNESCO inscribed Mexico's Indigenous festivity dedicated to the dead on its list of the Intangible Cultural Heritage of Humanity. In Oaxaca, a state with a large Indigenous population, the customs run especially deep.

The dates vary a little by family and village, but broadly the souls of children, the angelitos, are welcomed first, around 31 October and 1 November. Adults follow on 1 and 2 November. On the 2nd, the dead return to the other side.

The ofrenda, the heart of it

Every home sets up an ofrenda, an altar for its dead. It usually has photographs of the people being remembered, candles to light their way, marigold petals laid in a path because their colour and scent guide the souls home, copal smoke, water for the thirst of a long trip, and the things they loved in life. Mole negro, tamales, hot chocolate, fruit, a bottle of mezcal, a pack of their cigarettes. Pan de muerto sits in the middle.

These are private, family altars. If you are invited into a home to see one, it is a real kindness. Ask before taking a photograph, and if you can, bring something small for the altar, such as a candle or a bunch of flowers. Public ofrendas also go up in hotels, restaurants, churches and the city's markets, where you are free to look.

The cemeteries

On the nights around 31 October and 1 November, families gather at the graves of their dead. They clean and decorate them with flowers and candles, bring food and drink, and sit together through the night, sometimes with a band playing. In the city, the Panteón General fills with candlelight. Outside town, the cemeteries of Santa Cruz Xoxocotlán are the best known, and they get very crowded with visitors.

This is where respect matters most. You are walking through someone's family gathering at the grave of a person they lost. Keep your voice down. Never step on or sit on a grave. Do not use flash, and do not push a lens into anyone's face. If you want a portrait, ask first, and accept no gracefully. Many visitors find that a smaller village cemetery, visited with a local guide who knows the families, is far more meaningful than the crowd at the famous one.

You are not watching a show. You are a guest at somebody's reunion.

The comparsas and the streets

In the evenings, comparsas take over the streets: costumed processions with brass bands, dancers in masks, skeletons, devils and figures from local stories, moving from one neighbourhood to the next. They are loud, joyful and often go until late. Some are organised by neighbourhoods and are open for everyone to follow. Join in at the back, let the band set the pace, and keep a little distance from the dancers.

Look down as you walk, too. Around the city and in some churchyards, artists create tapetes de arena, large pictures made of coloured sand, seeds and petals. They take hours to make. Walk around them, never across them.

Face paint, costumes and photography

Plenty of Oaxacans paint their faces as calaveras for the comparsas, and visitors often do too. That is generally welcomed in festive street settings. It is out of place at a cemetery vigil or at a family's altar. A useful rule: dress for the comparsa when you are at the comparsa, and dress plainly and quietly when you are among the graves.

With photography, the same goes. The streets are public and celebratory. Altars and graves are private grief. Put the camera down more often than feels natural, and you will remember more.

Food to look for

This is the season to eat mole negro, the dark, complex sauce Oaxaca is famous for, often served over chicken or in tamales wrapped in banana leaf. Drink thick hot chocolate made with water or milk and dip pan de muerto into it. At the Mercado 20 de Noviembre, the smoke corridor is lined with grills where you choose meat by the piece and eat it with tortillas and salsa. The giant Mercado de Abastos, on the edge of town, is where families buy their flowers and altar supplies, and worth a slow wander.

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Good to know

• Book early. Rooms in Oaxaca for the last week of October and the first days of November fill months ahead.
• Go with someone local for the cemetery nights. A good guide will know which families welcome visitors and will explain what you are seeing.
• Carry cash in small notes for markets, candles, flowers and the musicians.
• Nights get cool in the highlands at this time of year. Bring a warm layer for long hours in a cemetery.
• Check before you go: event dates, parade routes and cemetery access can change year to year, so ask your hotel or the local tourism office.
• Travel advice: read your government's current travel guidance for Mexico before you plan.

The best visitors to Oaxaca at this time of year come away feeling they were allowed in on something tender. Arrive curious, move quietly, buy your marigolds from the women in the market, and say gracias often.